WILD 'EFFIN KINGDOM

The gardens here are freakin' amazing. We went to EPCOT last week to see the International Flower and Garden festival and it was really, really cool. It's amazing what they can get to grow down here. Back home in Montana, the growing season is about 9 days long. Even in Savannah, I only had a garden for about 8 months out of the year. Gardens here are year round affairs. The flowers are beautiful, and if you do it right, fairly effortless.

The fauna, on the other hand, MUST BE STOPPED. Thank the gods that pest control is included with rent.

Fire Ants. Wasps & hornets. Sugar ants. Prehistoric sized roaches and palmettos. Spiders. Flies and moths. Lizards. Crocki-gators.

And snakes that'll come right up to your front door.

I'm sure you all heard about my previous skirmish with a "little" black garden snake that I ran into coming up the stairs to our front door. It wouldn't have been so bad if my arms hadn't been full of ceiling fan boxes and I didn't have my keys out yet. All I could do was stumble up the stairs and run to the front door squealling and start pounding/ kicking the door. I got inside just as he crossed the sidewalk and sidled up to the door and then settled under the bedroom window.

I had (just about) forgotten about it until two days ago when I saw it (another?) go into the lily grass bush as I was coming up the stairs with the mail. I stopped. Looked again. Was it really a snake or just the shadow of the grass? Then it curved and moved parallel to the grass.

TOWARDS ME.

So I promptly turned around, went back down the stairs and around to the back yard and into the back door. Thank GOD for the back door.

I didn't go through the front door for two entire days.

When I finally ventured out front again, I practically sprinted to the stairs. It certainly dosen't help that the grass bush is so big that it brushes your legs as you walk past it.

And then today, I'm calmly reading the newspaper, sitting on the sofa. I glance at an article titled 'Hisss-sy Fit' and begin to read. Turns out, the author was sitting in her living room when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. A snake had decided to venture inside.

Inside, people.

ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?!?!?! IN HER LIVING ROOM!?

I immeadiatly looked at the front door. Then quickly scanned the floor. And promptly put my feet up on the coffee table.

She had to chase the damn thing all over her house and then wind it around a broom handle (!) and carry it outside. There's no effin' way I would try to catch a snake inside my damn house.

That's what the maintance crew is for, right?

RIGHT?!?!?!?

Oh, the horror...