SO THAT EXPLAINS IT

Last night I dreamed I was riding a bicycle.

Bicycle
To dream that you are riding a bicycle, signifies your desires to attain a balance in your life. You need to balance work and pleasure in order to succeed in your current undertakings. If you have difficulties riding the bicycle, then it suggests that you are experiencing anxieties about making it on your own.

To see a bicycle in your dream, indicates that you need to devote time to leisurely pursuits and recreation.

In my dream, I was really enjoying the ride. There were good hills and turns, but the road was pretty smooth. I got off of my bike (like you did when you were a kid, dump and run), and then had to walk through some mud on my way to a small town. I lost my shoes somewhere along the way.

Mud
To see mud in your dream, suggests that you are involved in a messy and sticky situation. It also suggests that some internal cleansing is needed.

To dream that you are walking in mud, suggests that you are feeling weighed down by a situation, problem, or relationship.

Shoes
In general, shoes represent your approach to life. It suggests that you are well-grounded or that you are down to earth.

To dream that you are not wearing any shoes, signifies that you have a lack of confidence in yourself and low self-assurance. You may be dealing with issues concerning your self-identity. Thus if you dream that you lose your shoes, then it suggests that you may be searching for your identity and finding/exploring who you are.

Once I got to the town, it was nighttime and everyone was gathered together. Then I joined everybody and watched some fireworks show from a main street downtown. The town was cute and old, and everybody was having a good time.

Fireworks
To see fireworks in your dream, symbolizes enthusiasm, creativity, and talent. It may also indicate that you are showing off and making a spectacle of yourself.

Then it was daytime again, and I was walking through more mud again, and came across a river that wasn't out of control, but was pretty full and fast. A big, fat summertime river. I was searching for a boat to cross the river in, because I didn't want to walk all the way down to the bridge, which I could see not to far down the shore.

River
To see a clear, calm-flowing river in your dream, signifies that you are allowing your life to float away and it is time that you take a more decisive hand in directing your life. A river also symbolizes joyful pleasures, peace and prosperity.

To see a raging river, signifies that your life is feeling out of control.

To see a muddy and/or raging river, signifies tumultuous times and jealousy in your life.

Bridge
To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage.

And then Brian's alarm woke me up. My first thought was, "That was a nice dream. Reminds me of summertime when I was little." But then I got curious and looked the signifiers up on the internet.

This vacation has been hard. I've never had to work at being relaxed and enjoying vacation before, it always just happened. I usually just revel in the time to myself, with no obligations or timetables. But this week I've just had this malaise about me, with no energy or will. I wasn't able to let it go until Friday afternoon, 2 short days ago. It felt like turning a key which I wasn't totally aware was locked. I just knew something didn't feel right.

Thinking back, I felt that when when I left the parking lot at work over a week ago, and it was the same tired, confused, unhappy feeling the whole time I've been home.

It all scares me a little. And just makes me realize that even though I've been trying for 6 months to try and find some balance in my life between working and living, I haven't made it very far. I'm still letting it control me, instead of the other way around.