YOU GOTTA GO BACK TO MOVE FORWARD

So we'll be living here for another year. No moving over the holidays.

Thank CHRIST, amen and all that. The horror of moving is much too fresh in my brain that I probably would have paid 3 times the amount they quoted us for the new lease.

I'm really liking it here now. It being Orlando and Florida in general. I'm kinda shocked to be saying that. I don't really know how it happened, or why it took so damn long for it to happen. It only took me 11 months to unpack and settle in. Go figure.

I think it has something to do with going back to Savannah before Halloween. I was so excited to go, I missed it alot, couldn't wait. And then we went and it was, I don't know, disappointing. It felt a little claustrophobic. I recognized people I'd seen around before, we went to our favorite places, had lunch at the tea room. But it was a little lacking to me. I found I was a little uncomfortable being there. I went back expecting to find the contentment that I'd had before, but it wasn't there.
It all made me want to go back HOME, to O-town.

When we first moved here, B was SO happy, and I really tried to be. But it was all such a mess. I was such a mess. Things were NOT what I expected. I'm not sure what I expected. I don't deal so well with the unknown. (Probably should work on that...) The first months had their good moments to be sure, but all I really wanted was to go back to our miniscule apartment on the island so things would calm the hell down and life would be settled again.

But nobody ever came to visit in Savannah. We never saw each other in Savannah. The last few years there, no matter how 'abundant', were pretty boring and unproductive no matter how you look at it. Times were not good in Savannah, and it's taken me the entire past year to realize it. No matter how much I said I hated our lives back then, I wasn't telling my truth. God, I was so stupid. I had no idea what we were missing. Clock-work isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I've just been thinking about this alot since we got back. Wanted to get it out of my melon.

Cliff's Notes version: I was sad and depressed, now I'm not. Welcoming the future now instead of delaying it. Lesson learned: Don't wait for it, make it happen.

The end (of this chapter).